a man who makes no mistakes makes nothing

so how many times do you hold back from trying something because you're afraid of making a mistake?

i reckon that's what's kept me single alrighty.

i s'pose i'm my own worst critic, but i've heard the way hen's talk dirt (roosters too for that matter). seems like when someone is crankin' on me, or even about me (in my imagination?), that's when i make the biggest fool out of myself.

what about you? are you afraid of makin' mistakes? how often do you not do anything because of the risk of making a mistake?

You don't have to suffer continual chaos in order to grow. John C. Lilly

interesting thought. but how do i get past chaos? i guess i have to acknowledge how much of it is coming from the turbulence inside me.

yes, i do have social anxiety

i guess i'm a social misfit, i hate it when chickens peck at each other till they bleed.

there are some of us though that have separated ourselves from the cooped up mentality of the 'you never have enough' world we live in.

i'm comfortable with those kind of chickens and i fit in when the fit is right.

there's nothing wrong with me if i don't fit in. i found out i can find the right fit if i dont' give up. it's ok for me to be picky about getting pecked.

bulls eye...

the one who is good at shooting does not hit the center of the target. Chicken Zen

and why the heck not? isn't hitting the bullseye the whole point of being good? yep, me thinks so, until i put it into life itself. take math for example. i thought i was no good at math. it was one of my 'ruled by the chicken god' thingy's. now i'm tickling rather than being ruled by my doubts.

i let meself b ok with just getting close to the target instead of worrying about the bullseye. do i need to hit the center of the target or just wing 'em to get the point across?

of course this philosophy is metaphorical. when i'm shootin at myself how often do i aim at the bullseye? what do you think? is it better to hit the center of the target or tinker around with the periferals?

tribute to gilda

"I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." Gilda Radner

ahh, liberation from the chicken god is to set yourself free from wearing anything uncomfortable...especially on the feetzies. Why do women think high heels and pointed toes are cute? perhaps to keep that podiatrist snuggled safely in a porche? or is it because we're afraid of exhuberance, skipping and leaping for joy?

oh ms victoria, your lace does itch and those panties with the center seam divide in the most unpleasant way.
do women spend way too much chasing the elusive chicken god of being fashionably ok? like gilda dear, be happy if you have set yourself free from vogue.

the quest for approval

When you are deluded and full of doubt, even a thousand books of scripture are not enough. Fen-Yang

hmmm. yep this is true. what is the polar oposite of delusion and doubt? i suppose it's that inner knowing that you're ok. when that is not so, nothing else can convince you that you're ok.

how does this apply to me? and when and how do i arrive at being ok? only when i arrive at honest acceptance of who i am and what i'm doing. no one else can convince me otherwise when i don't like myself. what do i approve of? what makes me content? what was that little thought for the day a few weeks ago?

Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have. Doris Mortman
this is very important insight into myself. contentment with what i have would sure enough save me alot of money!! how do i make peace with who i am??

i will not find approval if i don't approve of myself. i'm my own greatest critic. can i critique myself in ways that build my confidence? be happy with baby steps and not loose sight of my sense of humor when i fall short of the mark? one thing is for sure, i will fall short. perhaps that's why i become deluded and full of doubt.

Maybe being oneself is always an acquired taste. (Patricia Hampl)
yep, and i think it takes a bit to figure out the recipe!

self-esteem

"Everything painful and sobering in what psychoanalytic and religious genius have discovered about man, revolves around the terror of admitting what one is doing to earn his self-esteem." Ernest Becker

i need to chew on this for awhile...

everything painful and sobering revolves around the terror of admitting what one is doing to earn his self-esteem. nothing? inherent slackerism? pick a little peck a little?

what is self-esteem? and why's it so elusive? what do i do to make myself feel better? escape? avoid? deny? curl up in my coop? help so i can get some too? get out there and peck them other chickens to give myself a boost?

what is it about us that brings us to the place where we can peck each other to death?

what can i do to turn it around and build that thing that is myself, instead of tearing my chicken shit self apart?

there has to be a place where i don't have to be afraid of getting pecked at. is that a location that's inside me? or an environmental anomaly?

hmmm

fear and intimidation

Moving through fear and past intimidation is like exercising a muscle in the center of your being. The more often you do it, the stronger and more flexible you become. You begin venturing outside the confines of your chicken coop!

how does fear affect you? can you exercise the muscles of self-esteem and learn to negotiate your path beyond intimidation?

What is the one thing you can do today that you are proud of yourself for?

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